You are an Indian, Pakistani, or Bangladeshi if:
1) When there is a sale on toilet papers,
you buy 100 rolls.
2) You use dishwasher as a dish rack.
3) You save grocery bags, mostly to hold garbage.
fight over who pays the dinner bill.
5) You majored in Engineering, Computer Science, or Medicine.
6) No one you're
related to is a music major.
7) When you go to a dance party, you stand close to the wall
surrounding the dance floor
trying to look cool.
8) You feel like you got a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
9) You always look phone numbers up
the Yellow/White page rather than
making a 411 call.
10) You only make long distance calls after 11 pm.
like the meat well done.
12) You've joined a CD club at least once.
13) You avoid motels especially if there is an acquaintance
250-mile radius of your destination.
14) You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car.
15) The car you
own is most likely a Camry or Accord.
16) When you dine out (very rarely) you think that $1 is a good tip.
17) You head
towards the clearance section as soon as you walk into a
18) Your favorite brandname is "IRREGULAR".
pungent odor of spices hits as soon as someone enters your home.
20) You call fluoroscent lights "tube lights" and a flashlight
21) When you travel to your country you tie up your luggage with a rope
to keep it from opening apart.
You get very upset when the airline agent refuse to accept ur
luggage which is just 60 pounds overweight.
23) You ask
your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how
he had to walk two miles barefoot just to get to school.
You call an older person you never met before "uncle".
25) When your parents meet a stranger and talk for a few minutes,
discover he is your distant cousin.
Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called
VAJPAYEE AND BUSH
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,"Isn't that Bush and
The barman says "Yep, thats them.
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"
says, "We're planning World War3"
Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill
14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
Vajpayee turns to Bush
and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the
waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.
asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?"
The man replies, "I am waiting to see the doctor."
"W wwhy dd do yyy you
wwant to sss see hhim?"
The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem."
"A pp prostate ppp problem,
"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."
Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf."
doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask
her a question.
If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers.
Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out. He walks
in the door and says,
"Muna ni Ba , what's for dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
are you listening , what's for dinner?"
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing just
a few feet away from her.
"For the eleventh time, I said we're having THEPLA!"
THE EARLY FLIGHT
The passengers were leaving the Air India plane after landing,
and one smiling, satisfied Kanjibhai paused to congratulate the flight attendant.
"Stewardess," Kanjibhai said happily, "I want to compliment you
and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time.
It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly
when they claim it will.
I'm going to call your Air India home office and let them know
how pleased I am."
"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered,
"but I think you should know--this is yesterday's flight."
Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Kanjibhai was not very
good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft , Kanjibhai
quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing .
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him
if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied :
"Vait! I remember!
I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together one day.
They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.
Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.
I want the land to be forever fertile
in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming.
Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state."
with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan.
The Indian asks, "I'm very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely
surrounds the state.Nothing can get in or out."
The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever
- which goes between India and Pak).
In one compartment of the train there are four people.
A beautiful vivacious
young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh.
Suddenly the train goes through a
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits
the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off.
matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the
lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old
hag than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani
THE LONG DISTANCE CALL
In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Atal Behari Vajpayee and Pervez
Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.
The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. There Musharraf
showed him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to the Devil in hell and
talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's
telecommunication systems to be at the best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made.
came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was
Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?"
level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India, it is long distance!".
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late,
I will die of hunger!)
THE SMART BIHARI
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets
When the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the
T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.
This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,
so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,
so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
An American comes too India, and starts talking to a Gujrati at the airport. The American tells the
Gujrati, "Americans have been everywhere, even on the moon, and we've just landed on Mars." The Gujrati responds, "Did you
see a Patel on Mars?" The American says, "No". The Gujrati then says, "Well, then you haven't been anywhere, cause Patels
Hubby : "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"
Wife : "When there is a problem, no matter
how insurmountable, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears."
Hubby : "You see, how miraculous and powerful
I am for you."
Wife : "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem
can there be greater than this
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.
The teacher asks, "Jessica,
what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even
answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
From a strictly Mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people
who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%.
about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ! 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K is
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you
close, and Attitude will getyou there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught,
why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English
speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at
a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes
off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race,
which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
You lovers of the English language might enjoy
There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and
why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish
UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UPthe kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At
other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must
be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be
pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might
try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may
wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so............ Time to shut UP.....!
Do you know what is the meaning of HAPPY ?
H-Hum, A-Aapko, P-Pal P-Pal, Y-Yaad Karte Hain,
Aap Bhi Hume HAPPY Kar Liya Karo…
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five day test.
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Future tense of marriage
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
The confusion of one
man multiplied by the number present.
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece.
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room:
place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
A feeling when you
feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
books which people praise, but do
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A place where you
can relax after your strenuous home life.
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
A person who tells you to go to
hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
A person who starts taking bath
if he accidentally falls into a river.
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway
"See I am not injured yet."
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
A banker provided by nature.
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Someone who is early when you are
late and late when you are early.
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills
Hasan, Gulzar ,
Sabina and Nazia Ajani's